2008 Woodie Awards
TheCountyLine:
By Nigel Cavendish and McIan Flanahanahan
Issue date: 9/15/06 Section: Arts & Entertainment
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Welcome to the County Line. Ulster County that is! The Profile has invited two experts to debate the finer points of their national drinks. Representing Ireland in the Tournement of Beers is taxidermist McIan Flanahanahan, who knows beer better than dead animals. For the English, we've invited Nigel Cavendish, the prestigious British Imperialist and Cambridge professor currently working on his greatest book, "Where Gandhi Went Wrong: A Study of India's Independence Movement from England\God."
Nigel Cavendish: I'd like to thank the Proufile for inviting me, the fouremost expert on why English everything is the best. Hello, McIan.
McIan Flanahanahan: Nigel, I hate you and all that you represent.
NC: Thank you.
MF: Let's try one of these cans of English piss. English beers are best left for British Tea-Totalers.
NC: Boddington's Pub Ale is truly a pub ale after my own heart, which means it's amazing. Not only is ouverly expensive, which is a mark of quality, it's truly delicious. Like all good English Bitters, it's taste sits on the sides of your tongue lightly. Don't mistake this beer for your nourmal English Yeoman's. This is something more serious, this is William Pitt the Elder's Beer.
MF: If an Irishman brewed this atrocity the Holy Church would have excommunicated him immediately. . . as well as you Nigel. Now for a real beer: Murphy's Red. It's red like my beard and my women. The unbelievable taste of Murphy's will make you find Jesus quicker than Tony Blair can sell out to George Bush. A limerick: The beer was very smooth\ and of course I did approve\ like all good stouts\ I was free from doubt\ that Nigel was a bitch.
NC: I agree that Blair is no Margaret Thatcher. I don't think the Irish can harvest enough poutatoes to scrounge up the 9.75 American to pay for a six pack of Murphy's. If I'm Irishman, I stick to my papist whiskey, and leave the beer to the British. Mouving back to English soil, Bass Pale Ale is a good runner up to Boddington's. The flavor is slightly missing compared to Boddingtons, but it woun't march over your taste buds like Monty through Sicily.
Nigel Cavendish: I'd like to thank the Proufile for inviting me, the fouremost expert on why English everything is the best. Hello, McIan.
McIan Flanahanahan: Nigel, I hate you and all that you represent.
NC: Thank you.
MF: Let's try one of these cans of English piss. English beers are best left for British Tea-Totalers.
NC: Boddington's Pub Ale is truly a pub ale after my own heart, which means it's amazing. Not only is ouverly expensive, which is a mark of quality, it's truly delicious. Like all good English Bitters, it's taste sits on the sides of your tongue lightly. Don't mistake this beer for your nourmal English Yeoman's. This is something more serious, this is William Pitt the Elder's Beer.
MF: If an Irishman brewed this atrocity the Holy Church would have excommunicated him immediately. . . as well as you Nigel. Now for a real beer: Murphy's Red. It's red like my beard and my women. The unbelievable taste of Murphy's will make you find Jesus quicker than Tony Blair can sell out to George Bush. A limerick: The beer was very smooth\ and of course I did approve\ like all good stouts\ I was free from doubt\ that Nigel was a bitch.
NC: I agree that Blair is no Margaret Thatcher. I don't think the Irish can harvest enough poutatoes to scrounge up the 9.75 American to pay for a six pack of Murphy's. If I'm Irishman, I stick to my papist whiskey, and leave the beer to the British. Mouving back to English soil, Bass Pale Ale is a good runner up to Boddington's. The flavor is slightly missing compared to Boddingtons, but it woun't march over your taste buds like Monty through Sicily.
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