2008 Woodie Awards
For your pleasure, the Year-End Wipe-Up
intellectual masturbation
Matt Fuller
Issue date: 5/17/02 Section: Opinion
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As you have no doubt discovered, this is this academic year's final issue of The Profile. Soon enough, our rolling red pecan groves will turn to a disappointing dusty brown and our grassy knolls will begin to bald like the history department. But let us not focus on the future; rather, let us focus on the past by taking a look at our near-departed 2001-2002 academic year and let us find out what it means for our school.
Also, let us eat lettuce, with tiny toe tomatoes and tomatillos as topping. Let us.
Honestly, in my psychotropically-induced rainbow time vortex, I can't actually remember if this happened early this year or late last year…
Anyway, Hendrix finally got rid of the logo of a Native American warrior as our official mascot. Now, I don't have a problem with this; I'll be the first to admit that pasting your hallways with pictures of Red Hawk at Sam's Town is wrong, but I do fear what this change of image may indirectly cause.
My cousin Lester, 3, designed the new logo in five minutes on Microsoft Paint—it's a shield with a big 'H' on it. Sweet. However, now that we have no actual visual representation of what our warrior looks like, I worry that we may be associated with some warrior clans that are less than flattering.
Take, for instance, a Germanic comitatus, biding its time between raping the Britons by sacking and pillaging the Britons. This is tantamount to comparing our athletes to Los Angeles rioters.
Just imagine them returning from Sewanee with a U-Haul full of televisions, stereos, and golden bibles. Come to think of it, this would be really great for local pawnshops, but would probably reflect poorly on the school to have athletes break the rules and then let them off—and we know the school doesn't ever do that. Oh, is it time for drinks? I'll have a Standard. No, wait, make that a Double.
I'm not sure if the basic idea of a warrior representing our school is even a fitting one. Look around campus when you're making the walk of shame for the sixth time, the fourth sans underwear, and you'll not see much that makes you think of a warrior.
Also, let us eat lettuce, with tiny toe tomatoes and tomatillos as topping. Let us.
Honestly, in my psychotropically-induced rainbow time vortex, I can't actually remember if this happened early this year or late last year…
Anyway, Hendrix finally got rid of the logo of a Native American warrior as our official mascot. Now, I don't have a problem with this; I'll be the first to admit that pasting your hallways with pictures of Red Hawk at Sam's Town is wrong, but I do fear what this change of image may indirectly cause.
My cousin Lester, 3, designed the new logo in five minutes on Microsoft Paint—it's a shield with a big 'H' on it. Sweet. However, now that we have no actual visual representation of what our warrior looks like, I worry that we may be associated with some warrior clans that are less than flattering.
Take, for instance, a Germanic comitatus, biding its time between raping the Britons by sacking and pillaging the Britons. This is tantamount to comparing our athletes to Los Angeles rioters.
Just imagine them returning from Sewanee with a U-Haul full of televisions, stereos, and golden bibles. Come to think of it, this would be really great for local pawnshops, but would probably reflect poorly on the school to have athletes break the rules and then let them off—and we know the school doesn't ever do that. Oh, is it time for drinks? I'll have a Standard. No, wait, make that a Double.
I'm not sure if the basic idea of a warrior representing our school is even a fitting one. Look around campus when you're making the walk of shame for the sixth time, the fourth sans underwear, and you'll not see much that makes you think of a warrior.
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